What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
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