just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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