I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
