I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
