Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
