Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wish you could order shots online.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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