you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize