I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
