Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
