I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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