Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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