dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
