she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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