They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
