I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
