Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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