You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Why is there bacon in the couch?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize