One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
