the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
