Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I need a burrito and a hug.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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