im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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