Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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