that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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