No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
