and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
