Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
