Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
