I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
