Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
