guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
