i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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