My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
