We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize