dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
