I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Your dad touched me again.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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