can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
