I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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