I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
