Nicole vs. Life
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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