I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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