I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
As shirtless as possible
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
