Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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