By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
