I wanna passion pit in your ass
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
