Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
