Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
