i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
