Christians are straight up FREAKS
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
