Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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