I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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