Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
