Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
