oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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