you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
