i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize