I cannot find my penis.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
