Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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