The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
