It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
