we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
