He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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