a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
