I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
