I smell stomach acid.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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