Why does Corona taste like a burp?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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