her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
