It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
