I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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