I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
