did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
